A Street Tour Named Desire/Confederacy of Cruisers Bike Tours

08/28/2026

The proper legal way to deal with NOPD when pulled over with a strawberry daquiri.

This has been tested, and I have paid so much money to lawyers in my life, that I practically am one.

08/23/2026

Summer in New Orleans is a thing. So hot you can fry a beignet on a mosquitos butt. Things are slower than a one legged nutria and business is dead as trying to sell vegan gumbo at a Saints game.

But it’s expected. That's the cycle and I get to use my time for time with my kid and her summer off. And the less fun parts of running a business, which I consider the tax for doing what I love, giving tours.

The shop misses Miss Lycia, now emersed full time in community and rescue work, who kept us up to the task of keeping the shop looking like humans could live there, but it’s coming along again…bikes being rebuilt, handgrips replaces, squeaky wheels yelled at till they just be quiet…the usual to be ready for the fall when the weather cools, the festivals warm up and the people who think vacationing in our summer inferno is a ridiculous idea come on back.

While we talk about cleaning and wait for you to come back, we do need google to remember we exist, it forgets about us over the summer, just as we forget about life. If you have any good memories of tours with us you have not left on any of the review sites, it is never too late! I will be leaving the links below if you feel like wasting 5 minutes on a lazy sunday helping us out letting others know we deliver what we say.

Either way, thanks for 18 years, the company can already drink…I bought it a fake ID!

08/18/2026

08/12/2026

I love Cafe Du Monde, I mean it's no Loretta's, but what is? I go because my child loves it.

She and her friends get a cool kids table where they are treated like adults despite being covered in sugar and behaving like they are hyped on beignets and chocolate milk...we all wear the paper hats they give is and leave in a great mood, all for $10. No probem.

But, as this month, I, much like Igantius 60 years ago, have been forced out of my little safe New Orleans tourism cocoon, and into the big world,or the first time ever, I have witnessed the insanity of modern influencer New Orleans. While, as like most people, I learned in school that the Internet was invented to spread cat memes, it turns out we were all wrong. it was invented, apparently, to show the same style of photo of a beignet at Cafe Du Monde with the caption "The One Thing You Must Do In New Orleans" in big bubbly letters.

It must be, those posts outnumber cats. Sadly. They are everywhere, staring at me in there unoriginal poses with nothing unique to say.

Come to New Orleans, we love you, we love everyone, we even like the people who come here just to then advise the world that the very best things to do in the entire city, coincidentally, are the 4 things they did.

But don't actually listen to them. Y'all know we are always here, that's why we give you our text message number. Ask us! We have less to prove.

Photo: The One Balloon Squid You Must Look At Thats Tied Onto My Living Room Fan on July 2nd" (sorry of you missed it, it didn't hold air well.

08/11/2026

I tried this last Sunday. The results were definitely results.

And remember, in New Orleans screaming"Napoleonic Code" is like yelling "Safe" when you are playing tag as a kid... Automatic immunity to all American laws!

08/09/2026

I really like this blog, a little bit about the relationship between me, Tennesse Williams and reality...and a guest spot by my favorite store ever, the No New Customers Barbershop, which was the spot at 534 Elysian Fields for a generation before we took over after his passing.

He was a heck of a writer, but would have been a lousy tour guide as his street directions, even in this confused city, make no sense.

I had to change the cover photo to the blog so Facebook wouldn't suspend me again. It's a rare 2015 photo of me and Tennessee's mural and my thoughts on it. I did leave it inside the blog.

Link below.

08/06/2026

A deep dive (in under 30 seconds) into the rigorous physical demands every customer must reach should they want to attempt the grueling 4 miles in 3 hours bike ride (with a bar stop).

You have to earn that '4 in 3' embossed on a bloody mary glass tattoo that we think every customer should get to gran a little glory like the triathaloners do...

08/04/2026

EDIT: Just to add, as this seemed toi et big when I wasn't paying attention...If anyone knows me, I have very strong beliefs...but also happen to have to live in the real world, by no choice of my own.

Do I think we would be better off with no government? Yes....but when I look around I realize that is not an option, so I enjoy what I can and work with what we have.

Would I like to live in a city where my councilman, Eugene Green, my most local government official would ever care enough to respond to an email over an issue I feel strongly about? Yes, but I don't live in an imaginary world, I live in New Orleans. The people choose him over and over.

The city government I witnessed in the years after Katrina, and everyone else's viiew may be different, was of a city that, as usual couldn't get out of it's way if a train was barreling towards it. And the fact remains, nobody wanted to actually open a food store there, Mr Hooper was long gone, and even today the deep pocketed Circle Grocery (which was packed to the gills pre storm, is barely hanging on today.

If others expected the city to choose this one single property in this single neighborhood (of which I love) as the place they were gonna figure something entirely unseen before in this city, how to have a subsidized food market for only folks who live nearby and with no real supermarket parking...I mean, I couldn't see that with the most optimistic eyes in a realistic head.

So I enjoy what we have because what we have is all we have.

If anyoI don't care about thane is going to change the deep rooted political problems and get elected to run a government that doesn't suck in this city, heck, I'm behind you.

But in the meantime, potholes just mean it's safer to bike and water boil advisories are a minor inconvenience. that I don't care about I love us warts and all.

Of all the things I could change in the world, it ain't gonna be the pleasant place this market turned out to be just because it wasn't my top choice.

I would have preferred an all n**e donut shop/pinball arcade.

That's all. now back to the original post...

----------------------

A lot of people have a lot of opinions on the st Roch Market.

Me, I'm consistant...I loved it in 1998 when it was a cruimbly seafood place I could drink cheap beer at in the summertime to escape my Bywater Shotgun with no AC.

I loved it when it was a dilapidated entry way to my St Roch neighborhood in the years following Katrina when I would pass it every day and think of how much we still needed to do.

And I love it in the decade where I can walk to it and eat awesomem food that my friends cook in their food booths.

I think the Venn diagram of the people who love all eras may be me.

Link to the blog about it is below

07/22/2026

There so much you can learn about New Orleans with the right guide.