Airline Brand

01/20/2021

Alright kids good news!

Your favorite Airline™ not only gets you across the country cheaper than anyone else, but is presently working on some things to push us up and over.

Sun Country Airlines keeps ducking us, Delta, American Airlines, United think we’re just gonna go away.

Nope. We’re gonna start having some fun at their expense.

Stand by for a fun time from Airline™ 👀

01/15/2021

Social media girl Courtney here!

So they finally let me back at the helm! I would like to thank our in flight services partner Heaven Hill Distillery for letting me sample our latest offerings and then not taking my phone from me.

Anyway, while I was recovering an old coworker sent this to me.

We welcome ExpressJet back into aviation and the CEO wanted me to extend a formal invitation to be our regional carrier with yours truly to be their liaison!

I promise to treat them with the respect they treated their employees on the end.

And that’s my personal Courtney™ promise!

https://airwaysmag.com/airlines/expressjet2021-relaunch/?fbclid=IwAR1NpKvp_7FkpfS7QTB0kErkD8E8sg60WsdHjDgqxZwiXy2n1xptuXbnguY

ExpressJet Airlines (EV) has announced in a statement on its website that it would be moving forward in 2021 to operate as its own airline.

01/15/2021

Allegiant is the only Low Cost Carrier we have zero beef with.

Mostly due to their tone deafness of costumer complaints.

They know, we know that you will tolerate whatever to fly for cheap.

Allegiant don’t keep us waiting. Let’s form our own codeshare agreement. We’ll treat you right.

We can call it something nice like “CF Skypath” I’ll let you fill in the “F” (considering it refers to our customers) but the “C” stand for cheap.

So come on down to Memphis, we’ll take you somewhere nice, because we’d rather spend money on you than our customers

And that’s the Airline™ promise baby.😘

01/13/2021

We apologize for the delay in getting with you degener... valued customers.

Sometimes communicating our excellent prices take a back seat to you know... actual airline stuff.

In our absence we have managed to acquire new baggage tugs! These repurposed tugs are environmentally friendly, and best of all, CHEAP. Allowing us to pass deals onto you

We’re currently figuring out how to initiate a shut down feature for when they leave the airport. Our baggage handlers keep taking them to West Memphis to get their fix 🙄

Luckily nobody that had their luggage stolen had insurance.

We’re just being honest about that and that’s the Airline™ promise.

01/06/2021

It’s been 2 weeks and Sun Country Airlines hasn’t responded to my offer for a fight for cheap airfares on Beale street.

The weak fear the strong 💪

- CEO

(Social media girl Courtney is on temporary leave for sampling our store of Heaven Hill and getting a little toasty)

01/01/2021

Social Media Girl Courtney Here.

Our CEO is "hell bent" on "squaring up" with Sun Country Airlines CEO (His words not mine)

HOWEVER

I'm here because United decided to give ExpressJet Airlines contract to CommutAir.

and taking advantage of our partnership with Heaven Hill Distillery

So, United

BRING IT ON!

12/29/2020

Things Airline™ employees are:

1: Jaded
2: Experienced
3: Part Time Alcoholics
4: All friends with each other

However, we ARE committed to your safety. You may have a terrible flying experience with us. But it builds camaraderie internally.

Hopefully Delta can only hope to reach Airline™ level of employee unity by taking out their frustrations on their passengers like us, instead of their employees. 🤷🏻‍♂️

https://eturbonews.com/2216657/judge-finds-delta-air-lines-liable-for-retaliation-against-female-pilot-whistleblower/?fbclid=IwAR3O_nvctvvQFrHg_uti-IiKipdpieSZV52wkdOkAeg7Dvxfenojayenekk

In a decision dated December 21, 2020, federal Administrative Law Judge Scott R. Morris found Delta Air Lines, Inc. guilty of having used a compulsory | eTurboNews | Trends | Travel News Online | Aviation News

12/28/2020

Hi! This is Courtney the social media girl!

I wanted to introduce myself to you guys because I want Airline™ to be the personal brand you can trust.

I spent my best years at the now defunct ExpressJet Airlines. Now at 28 after spending my best years couped up in a ERJ145 and missing any meaningful connections beyond “Hey nice tits” and “Want to crew rest at my house?” I’m ready to take my ire out on our beloved passengers.

And like our CEO says

“For $39.99 you’ll take it. That’s the Airline™ promise”

12/26/2020

Once again Airline™ has figured out a way to cash in on the discount flyers perceived needs to do things that would get you kicked off classier airlines such as Delta and Frontier.

We know that most Americans want their Ni****ne fix.

So welcome to Airline the first “Vape Plane”

That’s right kids. Airline™ has acquired a former Southwest 737 that you can make smell like cotton candy, cookies, or whatever your little heart desires the WHOLE flight. (We’re not using our sweet ass new Maxxes)

Fortunately since we have the corner on the market, We can charge whatever we want. Because let’s face it, you’ll pay it

And that’s the Airline™ promise.

12/23/2020

Here at Airline™ we recognize that flying is uncomfortable in these times.

But if you pop the slides in one of our aircraft, we’re going to engage the thrust reverser and yeet you across the field.

Slides are expensive
Calling out maintenance is expensive
We don’t particularly like dealing with FAA

We like our airplane more than you

That’s the Airline™ promise

One of the two passengers who exited a Delta flight with their dog as the plane taxied onto a runway felt he needed to leave or he would lose control, according to statements during an arraignment Tuesday.

12/19/2020

Yet again the geniuses (us) at Airline™ have figured out how to cash in on the depravity that is the discount flyer.

Introducing the “Seductions” package. For all you perverts that want to join the mile high club but don’t want to get banned from a classy airline like Delta. We’re giving you the opportunity. We’ve went through the effort of installing 4 rooms in the back of our Boeing 737-Maxx for such activities. Much like our baggage system, we offer it in tiers.

Tier 1: “Lonely Hand” You, a room coated in plastic, 20 minutes, and a little bit of judgement. Price? $49.99. But in addition you get the shame of no self control for free.

Tier 2: “Love, Lust, and 30k feet” You, Somebody Else, a room coated in plastic, 20 minutes, and a score system of 1-10 of who you take back with you. All for the low low price of $99.99

Tier 3: “The Me So” Too ugly or ackward for a partner? Pay the $149.99 fee and select from a range of volunteer passengers who *probably* don’t have crabs**

We cant stop you from being animals, but we can capitalize on it, that’s the Airline™ promise

**Not responsible for crabs, STD’s, broken hearts or injury related to turbulence. Any child proven to be conceived during flight and named “Airline™” will receive 4 free flights and a $20 gift certificate to Dave and Busters

12/19/2020

Good evening our loyal customers.

We have decided to up our Covid response.

All passengers get complimentary Pilot Flying J shower tokens to bathe before flight.

Not sure how this’ll fight Covid but it should save us money in little tree air fresheners after y’all get off 😷