10/10/2026
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❤️ Living Instead of Existing — Sometimes Life Is Just Plain Scary
Sometimes I wonder just how much life can throw at one person.
The first week of June, I went to the doctor because something wasn't right.
What I wasn't expecting was to hear that there was a possibility I could have cervical cancer.
I was scared sh*tless.
And so was Chuck.
I remember how frightened he was. He was so afraid of losing me.
Neither one of us knew what was ahead.
I decided to get a second opinion, and between referrals, waiting for appointments, and everything else life had in store, time kept passing.
And then I lost Chuck.
The man who had been so afraid of losing me was suddenly the one I had to learn to live without.
And somewhere in the middle of trying to process that loss, I still had this unanswered question hanging over my head.
What if something really is wrong?
Today, I finally had the outpatient procedure to get a biopsy and hopefully some answers.
The procedure went well. ❤️
Now comes the waiting.
Waiting to find out whether there's anything precancerous, cancerous, or hopefully nothing at all.
I'm not going to pretend I'm not worried.
Because I am.
But here's something I've learned through all of this.
You can be strong and still be scared.
You can smile while carrying worries nobody knows about.
You can be grateful for another day while wondering what tomorrow might bring.
And you can be determined to LIVE instead of EXIST, even when life feels incredibly unfair.
I look at this picture of myself, sitting at the depot, smiling.
And behind me is a picture that reminds me of Chuck.
It reminds me of how much life has changed. How much I've lost. And how much I still have to live for.
I'm sharing this because I've always tried to be real on this page. The good days, the bad days, the victories, and the struggles.
And because maybe someone reading this needs a reminder to take care of themselves.
Don't ignore something that doesn't seem right. Don't put off getting answers because you're afraid of what they might be.
Your health matters. YOU matter. ❤️
As for me, I'm going to keep doing what I've been trying to do every single day.
Finding reasons to smile.
Finding reasons to be grateful.
And choosing to LIVE instead of simply EXIST.
Even when I'm scared sh*tless.
❤️ One day at a time.