10/03/2013
“When I got home that night as my wife
served dinner, I held her hand and said, I’ve
got something to tell you. She sat down and
ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her
eyes.
Suddenly I didn’t know how to open my
mouth. But I had to let her know what I was
thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic
calmly. She didn’t seem to be annoyed by my
words, instead she asked me softly, why?
I avoided her question. This made her angry.
She threw away the chopsticks and shouted
at me, you are not a man! That night, we
didn’t talk to each other. She was weeping. I
knew she wanted to find out what had
happened to our marriage. But I could hardly
give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost
my heart to Jane. I didn’t love her anymore. I
just pitied her!
With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce
agreement which stated that she could own
our house, our car, and 30% stake of my
company. She glanced at it and then tore it
into pieces. The woman who had spent ten
years of her life with me had become a
stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time,
resources and energy but I could not take
back what I had said for I loved Jane so
dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me,
which was what I had expected to see. To me
her cry was actually a kind of release. The
idea of divorce which had obsessed me for
several weeks seemed to be firmer and
clearer now.
The next day, I came back home very late
and found her writing something at the table.
I didn’t have supper but went straight to
sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was
tired after an eventful day with Jane. When I
woke up, she was still there at the table
writing. I just did not care so I turned over
and was asleep again.
In the morning she presented her divorce
conditions: she didn’t want anything from
me, but needed a month’s notice before the
divorce. She requested that in that one month
we both struggle to live as normal a life as
possible. Her reasons were simple: our son
had his exams in a month’s time and she
didn’t want to disrupt him with our broken
marriage.
This was agreeable to me. But she had
something more, she asked me to recall how I
had carried her into out bridal room on our
wedding day. She requested that every day
for the month’s duration I carry her out of
our bedroom to the front door ever morning.
I thought she was going crazy. Just to make
our last days together bearable I accepted
her odd request.
I told Jane about my wife’s divorce
conditions. . She laughed loudly and thought
it was absurd. No matter what tricks she
applies, she has to face the divorce, she said
scornfully.
My wife and I hadn’t had any body contact
since my divorce intention was explicitly
expressed. So when I carried her out on the
first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son
clapped behind us, daddy is holding mommy
in his arms. His words brought me a sense of
pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room,
then to the door, I walked over ten meters
with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and
said softly; don’t tell our son about the
divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I
put her down outside the door. She went to
wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the
office.
On the second day, both of us acted much
more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could
smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized
that I hadn’t looked at this woman carefully
for a long time. I realized she was not young
any more. There were fine wrinkles on her
face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had
taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered
what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt
a sense of intimacy returning. This was the
woman who had given ten years of her life
to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized
that our sense of intimacy was growing
again. I didn’t tell Jane about this. It became
easier to carry her as the month slipped by.
Perhaps the everyday workout made me
stronger.
She was choosing what to wear one
morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but
could not find a suitable one. Then she
sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I
suddenly realized that she had grown so thin,
that was the reason why I could carry her
more easily.
Suddenly it hit me… she had buried so much
pain and bitterness in her heart.
Subconsciously I reached out and touched
her head.
Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad,
it’s time to carry mom out. To him, seeing his
father carrying his mother out had become
an essential part of his life. My wife gestured
to our son to come closer and hugged him
tightly. I turned my face away because I was
afraid I might change my mind at this last
minute. I then held her in my arms, walking
from the bedroom, through the sitting room,
to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck
softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it
was just like our wedding day.
But her much lighter weight made me sad. On
the last day, when I held her in my arms I
could hardly move a step. Our son had gone
to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn’t
noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove
to office…. jumped out of the car swiftly
without locking the door. I was afraid any
delay would make me change my mind…I
walked upstairs. Jane opened the door and I
said to her, Sorry, Jane, I do not want the
divorce anymore.
She looked at me, astonished, and then
touched my forehead. Do you have a fever?
She said. I moved her hand off my head.
Sorry, Jane, I said, I won’t divorce. My
marriage life was boring probably because
she and I didn’t value the details of our lives,
not because we didn’t love each other
anymore. Now I realize that since I carried
her into my home on our wedding day I am
supposed to hold her until death do us apart.
Jane seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave
me a loud slap and then slammed the door
and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and
drove away. At the floral shop on the way, I
ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife.
The salesgirl asked me what to write on the
card. I smiled and wrote, I’ll carry you out
every morning until death do us apart.
That evening I arrived home, flowers in my
hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs,
only to find my wife in the bed - dead. My
wife had been fighting CANCER for months
and I was so busy with Jane to even notice.
She knew that she would die soon and she
wanted to save me from the whatever
negative reaction from our son, in case we
push through with the divorce.— At least, in
the eyes of our son—- I’m a loving
husband….
The small details of your lives are what really
matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion,
the car, property, the money in the bank.
These create an environment conducive for
happiness but cannot give happiness in
themselves.
So find time to be your spouse’s friend and
do those little things for each other that build
intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!
If you don’t share this, nothing will happen to
you.
If you do, you just might save a marriage.
Many of life’s failures are people who did not
realize how close they were to success when
they gave up.”
happy mothers day
