05/30/2025
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again—orientation at trucking companies should come with a damn coloring book. If you can’t stay inside the lines, you’re not ready for the big boy trucks.
So here I am, parked up at a truck stop. My load’s just shy of 12 feet wide, waving orange flags like it’s trying to land planes. I take two spots—because I have to. That’s what safety looks like when your trailer’s wider than a politician’s excuses. Keeps my equipment safe. Keeps your equipment safe. Everyone wins.
Enter Captain I-Park-By-Vibes, who apparently took one look at the 70% empty lot and thought, “Nope, I’m parking in this big bastard’s armpit.”
This guy didn’t even flirt with the idea of staying in his parking lines. Full-blown lawless energy. Drove over the line like it owed him money. His trailer parked so tight against mine I thought my flatbed was about to get pregnant. I’ve seen drunk Tinder hookups with more boundaries.
And let’s not ignore the PTSD this nonsense triggered. A couple months ago, some brainless speed demon whipped out of his stall and took out the entire front end of my truck like it was an obstacle in Mario Kart. Thousands in damages. So yeah, forgive me if I get a little twitchy when another driver decides to treat my oversized load like it’s his emotional support blanket.
Friendly PSA for the folks in the back: If you see a wide load taking up two spots, it’s not us being greedy. It’s us trying not to get our rigs annihilated by laziness and stupidity. If the lot's got space, pick literally anywhere else. Don’t be that guy.
And If you’re gonna get that close to my trailer, at least nibble my tie-downs and whisper you love me. Don’t just rawdog my parking spot without dinner.
—Written by BamBam the Trucker, CEO of “Don't Test Me, I’ve Got Bungee Cords, burritos,Regrets and lots of lube”