Civil Enforcement Officers Appreciation Society - WE LOVE TRAFFIC WARDENS

26/08/2026

Totally.

22/08/2026

I started running insurance quotes. Every year my birthday treat to myself is renewing my tax, insurance and MOT like so many other grown-ups.

Sure, the deals are often better than the last 2 years but gee whizz that much reading small print is enough to make my eyes all screwy so I won't be able to watch the road properly going to work tonight.

21/08/2026

20/08/2026

Ten habits to explain why I've been single for ten years:

1) Any time any object is more than an arm's length away that I need I complain I may have to take an Uber to fetch that.

2) Any time in a Cop show, Detective drama or procedural on telly that someone says the line "He's clean, he doesn't even have a parking ticket!" - I mutter or whine under my breath involuntarily.

3) I not only snore, I do sometimes recite car number plates in my sleep allegedly.

4) I say the word "c**t" a lot.

5) When parking the car I am obsessive about keeping lots of leg room to the right for climbing out, so I will often go 3 floors higher in the MSCP just to get an easy space.

6) I watch Tik Tok lives at 4am with the volume quite loud.

7) I would rather play SIM CITY for 3hrs on a tablet than go out for a romantic restaurant meal.

8) I often shout wrong answers at the telly when watching The Chase.

9) I do not share my pizza. You can have your pizza and I can have mine. Don't ask for a slice of mine as refusal often offends.

10) I don't buy chocolate unless specifically asked to, so if you like "Nice thoughtful surprise" then I'm sorry to say, in my lifetime, with my upbringing, chocolate has never been received as a nice, thoughtful surprise.

16/07/2026

What an absolute embarrassment.
Mirfield.

16/07/2026

Last night and this morning has been an emotional night shift. England losing to the Argies didn't help. I was dealing with someone stuck in a lift whilst two colleagues in our WhatsApp chat were bantering about high stakes bets on the Spain v Argentina final.

Eventually senior management got someone out on call who could fix the problem.

The problem of someone stuck in the lift, not the problem of England unable to get some more goals in the opposition net.

21/06/2026

So I'm on a night shift at work checking emails for any important goings on around the site. There was a request for us to put three cars on our ANPR, guest speakers, some big event coming up.
First person's name on the list was Serif.
Immediately my brain went: "So if he fails to show up on the podium does it become a Sans Serif Font?"
And I'm very sorry if you now hate me for that very bad joke but that's probably the funniest thought that's immediately popped into my head in my entire life.

20/06/2026

Can we talk for a hot second about how Trump's dementia is so advanced he no longer has a filter to NOT say stuff out loud that he should never admit to about how fu**ed his administration truly is?

I get accused of over-sharing at work but this guy? "Oh we only had 4 weeks of oil reserves left and the global economy was about to completely collapse."

Mark Rubio's face though. That "My political career is over!" Expression.

Gotta love the MAGA faithful.

09/04/2026

I've seen Jenny Eclair live so I know she is a lovely human being who won't mind me sharing this from her substack. Skim read with pleasure.

09/04/2026

Working hard as always.

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